This past Saturday I supported the kids’ school by attending a fundraising breakfast at the Jackson Applebee’s. An all you can eat pancakes, bacon and beverage affair (for just $5) to raise money for the upcoming 6th Grade Character Camp in May – which I will be attending.
During the devouring of morning sustenance and “eatin’ good in the ‘hood”, I became involved in a text/voice conversation with one of my radio brothers. He was basically complaining having to work so early on a Saturday morning after being out late the night before at a remote. It was falling on deaf ears with me, though. The previous night I had finally crashed at 2:30 AM after a marathon photo uploading and email session and was still up and alert by 6:45 AM to go to the breakfast. Part of the radio lifestyle – just got to suck it up, bra.
After a bit of trash talk, he made the comment “This would only be a good morning if I had some chocolate covered bacon.” He meant it purely in jest, but for whatever reason, I had to expand on it. After all, seeing that I am a radio person – and as we all know radio people think a little “left of center” – the though of chocolate covered bacon didn’t sound all that bad. In fact, the more my cerebral cortex dwelled on the thought, the more I began to crave chocolate covered bacon.
All that day I kept thinking about chocolate covered bacon and rationalizing in my mind why it would be good. After all, maple syrup tastes good on bacon, maple syrup is sweet, chocolate it sweet, so why not? Chocolate coverings on other things can be quite appetizing. Chocolate covered strawberries. Chocolate covered cherries. Chocolate covered peanuts. Chocolate covered pretzels. There is a unique emotional lift in enjoying chocolate drizzled on then licked off of things like ice cream, graham crackers, and your significant other when the mood is right.
My radio brother was working yesterday, so I had a plan. I went to Meijer and picked up bacon and milk chocolate morsels. Went to the station, cooked the bacon, melted the chocolate, poured the melted chocolate on top of the bacon, and then spread it evenly across all the slices. Then the moment of truth… I ate a piece.
I heard colors! I smelled mountains! It was the most climatic and orgasmic taste experience I have ever enjoyed!!! The salty taste of good hickory smoked bacon smothered in the deep, rich, intoxicatingly sweet taste of chocolate! My taste buds were totally immersed in a frantic and flavorful happy dance unlike anything I have ever experienced!!!
I took the rest of the bacon to my broadcasting compadre. He saw what I had prepared and his pupils dilated like someone who just did a huge bong hit of hashish. He grabbed a piece, popped it in his mouth, and began to devour. His eyes glazed over, his face relaxed into the biggest smile I have ever seen on a human, and the words “Oh, my God! This is awesome!!!” blurted out in between chews. He finished the plate in less than 2 minutes.
I think I have come across a huge opportunity here. Chocolate covered meat, poultry and seafood products! Chocolate covered hamburgers. Chocolate covered pork chops. Chocolate covered shrimp. Those chicken “finger” strips, chicken nuggets, and the like? Forget the breading. Just dip them in chocolate! And open a chain of restaurants called “Chocolate Now”, “Chocolate a la Chocolate”, or even “Choco-King”. Get the Swiss Miss girl (since I have a weakness for blonds) in a much better, totally hot outfit to be the spokesmodel.
I’ve had a taste epiphany! I’m on a roll now! Tomorrow for breakfast after the morning show, I’m having a chocolate covered bagel with cream cheese and lox.
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