A New World Record Opens

Monday, January 4, 2010 marks the opening of the Burj Dubai, the new record holder of the world’s tallest building at a reported 2,600 feet – over ½ of a mile tall. The Burj Dubai tower contains 57 elevators that travel at speeds of up to 40 MPH, 1,044 apartments, 49 floors of office space and a hotel, can be seen from as far as 59 miles away and is estimated to have cost $4 billion dollars.

The former record holder, the Taipei 101 tower, pales in comparison to the Burj Dubai – standing at a mere 1,671 feet. However, the Burj Dubai as a man-made structure only beats the former world’s largest existing man-made structure, the KVLY-TV mast in Blanchard, North Dakota, by only around 600 feet.

One has to look at this accomplishment with sheer amazement. The history of tallest buildings and structures goes all the way back to 2600 BC and the building of the Cheops Pyramid in Egypt at a dwarf 481 feet, and the ranks of those beating it including cathedrals in Europe, the Washington Monument, the Eiffel Tower, the Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building. The Empire State Building was the world’s tallest for over forty years until the Twin Towers at the World Trade Center. Since then, it seems every few years, a new world’s tallest emerges.

My amazement in the unbelievable height of the Burj Dubai is not in the accomplishment, but in the purpose of such an accomplishment. With Dubai nearly going bankrupt late last year and its property values dropping over 50% it seems a bit extravagant at a $4 billion price tag. Then there’s the location of it in the Middle East with terrorist concerns being on our minds in today’s world. If the bringing down of the WTC Twin Towers in NYC was horrific, imagine the bringing down of the Burj Dubai. And there’s that law of gravity thing: what goes up must come down.

I remember the story of the Tower of Babel in my Sunday School classes as a kid. Though the purpose of building the Burj Dubai is not the same as the purpose of building Babel in Old Testament times, the Burj Dubai has that “spiral” similarity to it like the artist depictions of Babel in my old Sunday School books.

So tomorrow, we will have a new tallest building in the world open for business. One has to wonder how long it will take architects, designers and builders to put up a taller one.

Where Have All The Snuggies Gone???

You remember Snuggies, right? Those blankets with sleeves? Well maybe they really weren’t a blanket per se. More like an extremely comfortable and very oversized sweatshirt. Well, now that Christmas is over, what happened to them?

Just the past month they were the talk of the Holiday shopping season. Everybody wanted one. They were all over TV, radio and the internet. Businesses, organizations, and even Alternative Rock bands ordered grosses with their logo printed on them for promotional items and marketing. One of my Facebook friends even Photoshopped themselves wearing one and put it up as their profile picture this past month. The world had gone Snuggie crazy.

And now…just one week after Christmas…I am hearing nothing about them. Not a peep. No exclamations of “I got a Snuggie for Christmas!” from family and friends. I didn’t even receive one.

What happened to the Snuggie fad? Did it go the way of the Spirograph, Lite Brite and Chia Pet? Is it because we can’t use them on airplanes after Muhhamed-Bob Flare Pants tried to blow up a plane with a bomb hidden in his underwear…probably using a Snuggie to hide what he was doing. Apparently, if the latter is the case, the Snuggie isn’t flame-retardant.

Has the Snuggie joined the ranks of other fad gifts? You know, like the Pocket Fisherman, Bubba the Singing Bass on a plaque, bread makers and shiatsu massagers? It didn’t even make any of the top popular Holiday gifts for 2009.

Well, it’s a New Year, and the Holiday gift season is past. Now we have 10 months to come up with the next hot gift idea…that hopefully will truly be a hot gift. And I have begun thinking already of what I could devise and manufacture for next Holiday season that will become the most talked about “must have” Christmas gift for 2010…

…the electric Snuggie!!! Could be even battery operated. And you can download apps onto it…

A New Year... A New Decade...

Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!

And before you fire off that email to me debating whether the new decade starts on 1/1/2010 or 1/1/2011 (like the debate 10 years ago about whether 2000 was really the beginning of a new millennium or was it 2001), is it worth wasting time on it? After all, the day you are born is 0 years old and the tenth anniversary of your birth you are 10 years old. You have been on the planet 10 years. Need I go on?

Anyway, back to the original topic…whatever it was. Oh, yeah…New Year…New Decade…

This past decade started out a bit strange. 1999 brought us the Dot Com Bust, the establishment of the Euro, Jack Kevorkian being found guilty of murder for assisting in a suicide, Lance Armstrong winning his first Tour de France and Boris Yeltsin resigning as leader of Russia paving the way for Vladimir Putin.

We entered 2000 with fear and trepidation, stockpiling food, gasoline, money and anything else we could get our hands on to prepare for the perceived Armageddon we called “Y2K”, which never came. With the century and millennium change, a lot of strange things happened. Like 5 planets, the Sun and the Moon all lining up in the middle of the year and the 2000 “hanging chad” presidential election between Bush and Gore.

The past decade shaped us as a more cautious people with the events of 9/11/2001, looking at those around us with more scrutiny and trepidation. We entered two wars, one in Afghanistan and one in Iraq; a déjà vu from the Vietnam days of sending our sons and daughters off to fight on foreign soil against an enemy not playing by “the rules”. But amidst all this fear, turmoil and uncertainty, we still we found ourselves able to grow and advance. The Internet grew with tremendous leaps and bounds; from being just a pipeline for email, Telnet bulletin boards and web surfing to a delivery vehicle for digital media, movies, music, telephone and video. Cell phones became more than just a phone to the point where today’s mobile phones are not even thought of for their purpose of being a telephone.

Of course, with such growth there are growing pains. Technology began thinning out job market sectors and new delivery options for receiving our information, slowly killing off the old delivery methods and vehicles. And, not learning our lessons from the Great Depression of the 1920s and 1930s, we once again lived lavishly and greedily on credit that we didn’t have the capability to afford, and are paying for it with the current economic crisis we carry into this new decade.

This past decade we lost some very iconic figures: Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson...the first three hosts of the Tonight Show on NBC…as well as Carson’s sidekick Ed McMahon, Charles Schultz, Tom Landry, Chet Atkins, Carroll O’Connor, Ted Williams, Ann Landers, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, Mr. Rogers, Rodney Dangerfield, Julia Child, Marlon Brando, Ray Charles, “Captain Kangaroo” Bob Keeshan, Johnny Ramone, Richard Pryor, Bob Denver, Pope John Paul II, Sandra Dee, James Brown, Don Knotts, Billy Preston, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Evil Knievel, Bo Diddley, George Carlin, Hunter S. Thompson, Tim Russert, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ted Kennedy and Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

This past decade we also said goodbye to VHS tape, Analog TV, Kodachrome, Montgomery Wards, Woolworths and Farmer Jack (and “It’s Farmer Jack Saving Time”), In their place said we said hello to Blu-Ray DVDs, DTV and satellite TV options to cable, proliferation of digital cameras everywhere, and the rise of Kroger and WalMart. A lot of the “old guard” media outlets and delivery methods hit rough times this past decade as well; broadcast TV, terrestrial radio, the Compact Disc, newspapers and magazines…seeing numerous closures, bankruptcies, lawsuits and changes in programming, staff numbers and outlooks.

And now, time marches on as we enter a New Year and a new decade. We have elected the first black president and it seems we are moving forward into new territories with a unique mixture of hope, despair, sadness, frustration and doubt. Terrorism is still very much on our minds with the recent bomb attempt on Christmas Day on a plane landing at Detroit Metro Airport. The economy is still heavy on our minds with high unemployment, foreclosures, and a looming debt load.

However, the New Year and new decade also brings with it new hope; a fresh start to begin to enact positive changes for ourselves and others. Can we rise to this occasion? I know I will give it my best shot to do so. Recently a very good friend shared a quote from Walt Disney that will be my mantra for making 2010 the best year and decade ever:

“All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them”

A very Happy New Year and New Decade to you all! May you have the courage in 2010 to dream and hope for all the best this year and for new beginnings and better days! May you always have food for your table, water to quench your thirst, a place to hang your hat, and a year filled with smiles, laughter and love.

20 Years Of "D’oh!" Is it time to g’oh?

This week marks the 20th anniversary of “The Simpsons” (December 17, 1989). As the irreverent show about the dysfunctional family from Springfield reached this iconic milestone, it has garnered many competitors and enemies. But as it reaches the two decade mark of being on the air, one has to wonder if nowadays “The Simpsons’” biggest enemy has become itself.

The actual birth of The Simpsons was in April of 1987 as a series of shorts on The Tracy Ullman Show. For years, Simpsons creator Matt Groening had done a popular comic strip called “Life In Hell” which was carried in numerous alternative newspapers throughout the country in the late 1970s and 1980s. I recall this strip fondly in the Detroit Metro Times with anthropomorphic rabbits and a pair of gay lovers that explored a wide range of topics about love, sex, work, and death. His drawings were full of expressions of angst, alienation, self-loathing, and fear of inevitable doom, which was quite entertaining for me back in the 1980s.

“Life In Hell” caught the eye of Hollywood writer-producer and Gracie Films founder James L. Brooks who contacted Groening with the proposition of working in animation on an undefined future project. This project would be the “bumper” cartoons on the Tracy Ullman Show that became The Simpsons. Although The Tracy Ullman Show was not a big hit, the shorts were, and FOX Television spun them off into a half-hour show in 1989.

The Simpsons were loosly based on Groening’s own parents and siblings, with all of them utilizing their real names (dad Homer, mom Margaret or Marge, sisters Lisa and Maggie) except for Groening being “Bart” (an anagram of “brat” since he did not want to use his real name).

The roots of The Simpsons are varied and come from many sources. Is manic pace (not to mention the inspiration for "Itchy and Scratchy") is borrowed from the 1930s and '40s animation pioneers like Warner Brothers’ Tex Avery and Chuck Jones, who gave that studio's cartoons a breathlessness much emulated by others. And MGM's original famed "Tom and Jerry" (not the current Hanna Barbara version) had that more violent note. Other roots are the likes of cultural and entertainment staples from the past: Mad Magazine, Second City, Firesign Theater, National Lampoon, Broadway musicals, Saturday Night Live, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and even the original Late Night with David Letterman.

In the 1990s, "The Simpsons" was one of the most inventive shows ever broadcast, taking on everything as an equal opportunity offender. It became a unique statement within the culture at large and was revolutionary, helping to make FOX Television a big-league player. However, for many true fans of the show, today’s version is far from the glory days of the past. Complaints of the characters staleness and scripts being flat, the show seeming less cohesive, more about trying to get the jokes in there, instead of make a story and let the jokes come off of the story.

Two years ago The Simpsons made the jump to the big screen with “The Simpsons Movie”, which became a minor hit in theaters and bigger in DVD sales. But even with this it seemed that there was only so much one could do with the characters. But even with these faults, the show is still a Hollywood goldmine, earning over $3 billion over its 20 year run. As a vehicle for merchandising and licensing, the show is worth having. Without the show, the marketing and licensing aspect would be in serious decline.

Yet "The Simpsons" continues to attract new audiences. The show airs in more than 90 countries and still appeals broadly to both young and old alike. Today, with its 442 episodes airing all over the world, it's like the new Disney…iconic and well-known.

The 20th anniversary episode is scheduled to air next month on FOX. Will it offer something fresh? Will it be a rehash of the greatest moments of the show? One will have to tune by and find out…I know I will. Will the show die soon? That is up to audiences who still watch, and Matt Groening getting tired of doing it…which according to what money he continues to make from The Simpsons show and franchise won’t be anytime soon.

Reality Show Syndrome

It was the gleam in his eyes that told me this was something to see.

As I was working on production this past Thursday, Mojo from our sister station Q-106 stopped in the doorway and said, “CNN…Channel 35…right now. You won’t believe it!”

I turned on the TV in the 92-X studios and there it was…a huge Jiffy Pop tin flying in the skies over Colorado. The news heads were saying that a 6-year-old boy was inside this thing as it was cruising out of control. My first thought was this was surreal. Then as it sunk in that this was really happening, I thought that somebody blew it and didn’t wait until next month to have this happen during TV sweeps. But then I thought what if there really IS a little boy in this thing? That would be terrible! Oh, the humanity!!!

Then the background on the boy and his family began to come to light; it turns out the family was on the ABC reality show “Wife Swap”. Then CNN shows a clip of the dad…who turns out was an iReporter for them. Then the thing comes down, and no boy inside. All of a sudden I began to smell a rat.

As it turns out, the boy was hiding in the attic…supposedly, by the boy’s account, under instructions from dad for “a TV show”. The kid was so conflicted that he threw up on live TV Friday morning several times on several interviews. Cops get warrants to search the family home for financial records, phone records, notes and computers. Then earlier today (Sunday), an announcement that it was truly a hoax and felony charges being brought. The family’s motivation? A shot at reality show stardom.

It’s no secret I’m not a fan of “reality” television. However, since the first episode of “Survivor” came on the boob tube over a dozen years ago, we have been mesmerized by it. “Real” people in “real life” situational drama. “Survivor” begat a huge entourage of like-minded shows that had people locked up in a house together, challenged into doing incredible stunts, losing weight, having nannys come into your house, vie for the affections of a member of the opposite sex to marry them, and attempt to succeed in doing corporate tasks so that they won’t hear the fateful words, “You’re fired!”

This type of programming is just what networks began salivating about. Shows where they don’t have to hire a writing staff, hire union actors, have low production costs, and make the networks huge profits. Market them to the masses and you’ve got hits. Problem is, the participants of these shows tend to be star “wanna bees” and somewhat left of center. Richard Hatch…Sanjya…and all the rest. And now these folk.

I firmly believe we have a psychological condition here I like to call “Reality Show Syndrome”. People wanting that 15 minutes or 15 gigabytes of fame and willing to do anything to get it. And, no thanks to the network’s marketing mentality, people wanting to be “voyeurs” into this glimpse of supposed “reality” programming. People who are glued to their sets to see what happens on their reality shows this week, and the next, and the next.

But finally it seems the meltdown has begun. John and Kate, and now Richard and Mayumi Heene (who, by the way, met in acting school in Hollywood before getting married). My hope is that we’ve finally “jumped the shark” when it comes to reality shows. And hopefully, John Q. Public can finally wake up to what is going on here, and not give credence to the networks desire for economically stingy production costing and huge profit making programming to rule the airwaves.

You want Reality TV? Tune into the Evening News. Now THAT is reality.

The Toilet Paper Doppelganger

Being a single dad can be fun, but a lot of times it is exhausting. After time in at work and time with the kids there’s not much me time. What me time I do get I utilize to the fullest to enjoy things that I like…that are my life.

However, with such a hectic itinerary I tend to make shopping a low priority. Besides dealing with my packed schedule, the fact that I dislike large “super center” stores and their U-Scan lanes contribute to this prioritizing of shopping.

So, with this dislike in my psyche, I came home one night earlier this week from a long day. Along the way I was the strategist in taking care of the evening’s proclaimed tasks before settling in for the night; drop off leftovers at work for lunch the next day and pick up a pair of movie tickets for friends so that they can enjoy a movie out on me for their 1st wedding anniversary.

I get home after my extended time on the road, and like any single dad ran to the bathroom to seek relief from road rumble on my bladder. When I enter, I notice it immediately…the item I subconsciously put on the low priority rung of the ladder. I was out of toilet paper. So, with a sigh, I resigned myself to go back out in the car and make the quick drive to the local “super center” to get bathroom tissue on rolls.

Late evening trips to the super center store are always a joy; searching 10 minutes for a parking spot, being held up at the entrance by some fool standing in the middle of the entranceway staring up at the ceiling like they are lost and have never been in a super center ever before in their lives. And don’t get me started on trying to get past people waddling in the middle of the aisle, pushing their shopping cart at a negative 2 MPH.

I get to the aisle with the toilet paper, grab a Charmin™ 12 pack of double roll size because it’s on sale, and spin to head towards the registers up front. It was on the way to check out that I had an unnerving experience.

Halfway up to the check out, a man turns into the aisle in front of me. At first I don’t pay attention and continue my stride. But as I continue to head up front a cascade of thoughts hit me as he’s walking in front of me. He has a green shirt on…just like mine. He’s wearing tan dress slacks…just like mine. And under his arm he is carrying a 12 pack double roll size package of bathroom tissue that is on sale…just like mine! And in that moment, I came to the realization that walking in front of me was MY TOILET PAPER SHOPPING DOPPELGANGER!!!

A warning light flashed in my mind. He and I were walking in perfect lockstep…like marching in formation in the infantry. My brain flashed back to Air Force Basic Training in San Antonio and my T.I. with the thick Mexican accent as he called off cadence while we did marching drills. He also used to tell us constantly to “keep yur choos pit chined” (Keep your shoes spit-shined) and to not take forever in the latrine in the morning when we went to “chit and chave” (obvious…do I need to translate?). Add the fact we had similar clothes on and both of us the same 12 pack of toilet paper under our left arm, and you have a weird visual.

This was too freaky of a coincidence for me to want to be affiliated with. People just can’t process seeing such an occurrence as this without jumping to some oddball opinion. I’m mimicking the guy in front of me. I’m lost and following him to lead me back to the parking lot. Or we’re a two-man space alien army from another planet come to deplete Earth of all its bathroom tissue. In less than a second my brain freaked out and put into effect a plan of evasive action…execute a bob, weave and navigate away.

I immediately ducked left through the pallet sale items in the middle of the main aisle, nearly knocking over a methodically and artistically stacked mountain of chicken noodle soup cans – something some employee took hours of his day to create. Unfortunately, the maneuver put me in the path of a large woman in a power chair nearly running me over.

I then took the long way to the checkouts, into the frozen foods, through produce, a quick trot through the cleaning products aisle where I find they actually carry the replacement bulbs for my lava lamp, up through produce and past the bakery. The U-Scan is up ahead and no sign of my doppelganger. Home free!

As I stand in line for the U-Scan, I notice a young woman looking at me and smiling. So I smile back. Then, she smiles even bigger. I begin to wonder if she is really smiling back at me or someone else? My brain tells me to turn around and look behind me. Right behind me in line is my toilet paper doppelganger, smiling back at the young woman.

Automatically, my eyes darted to the ground. Of course, my “choos were pit chined”.

The Intelligence challenged Internet troll

Before texting, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and all the other ways people interconnected electronically, there was IM. Straight forward, unadulterated IM…Windows Messenger, Yahoo! Messenger, MSN, and the AIM. They are still around, but with all the social networking, texts, SMS messages and all, good old fashioned IM has faded from the stream of consciousness.

Old-fashioned IM has become more like having a published phone number…lots of solicitations. However, unlike the phone, people on IM aren’t trying to get you to switch your long distance service, sell you a magazine, or preach to you why you should vote for them in the upcoming election. Like the phone, though, there are the scam artists.

The newer chats in Facebook, MySpace and so on are more selective than old fashioned IM. On the newer social networking sites, only approved “friends” and chat you up so you don’t get scam artists. On the old IMs people you don’t even know pop up...trying to entice you into visiting a porn site or sending money to Nigeria because they are trapped there from some mishap in their life. IM scam artists, however, lack intelligence. Mostly they are people with limited smarts and even more diminished English language skills.

I’m a fairly smart guy. I know when I’m being scammed. And sometimes I love having fun with them. Like the old days of telephone solicitors that I used to record, edit, and have fun with as comical radio bits.

So, this morning, I was signed into Yahoo! Messenger and a unknown screen name popped up and me. Screen name “single.maggs”. First off, what type of person uses a period in their screen name? Numbers, yes. But a period? Very suspect. Must be an internet troll, one who is demonstrating limited intelligence in language and spelling skills with the first message to me being “helo dere”. So, like the telemarketer phone scams I used to do, I decided to have some fun. Here is how it went…

[09:39] single.maggs:
[09:39] single.maggs: helo dere
[09:39] mikeholder01: yes
[09:39] single.maggs: helo dere
[09:39] single.maggs: hi mike
[09:39] mikeholder01: yes?
[09:39] single.maggs: helo dere
[09:40] mikeholder01: hi. do I know you?
[09:40] single.maggs: how doing you?
[09:40] mikeholder01: how am i doing me? as carefully as possible.
[09:40] single.maggs: ok yes tak to me today?
[09:40] single.maggs:
[09:40] single.maggs: ty
[09:40] mikeholder01: yes?
[09:40] single.maggs: where from you are...name...age?

OK…already the ASL thing (age, sex, location). A red flag…clearly an internet troll of no intelligence and no mastery of English. Time to have some fun…

[09:41] mikeholder01: i'm on the planet earth, have no name and am ageless.
[09:42] single.maggs: what the mean of ageless
[09:42] single.maggs: tell me you nme
[09:42] single.maggs:
[09:42] single.maggs: are you still there
[09:42] single.maggs:
[09:43] mikeholder01: i'm on the planet earth, have no name and am ageless.
[09:43] single.maggs: ok
[09:43] single.maggs: where are u from
[09:43] mikeholder01: planet earth
[09:44] single.maggs: what is mean of planet earth
[09:44] mikeholder01: third planet in our solar system.
[09:44] single.maggs: where country ?
[09:44] mikeholder01: many countries on planet earth.
[09:45] single.maggs: ok
[09:45] single.maggs: what are you looking for a lady?
[09:45] single.maggs:
[09:46] single.maggs:
[09:46] single.maggs: are u there
[09:47] single.maggs:
[09:47] mikeholder01: yes i am here
[09:47] single.maggs: ok
[09:47] single.maggs: what are looking for a lady
[09:48] mikeholder01: something with horns...and maybe can speak venusian.
[09:48] single.maggs: ok
[09:48] single.maggs: tell me about you
[09:49] mikeholder01: they tell me they are female sheep
[09:49] single.maggs: what is the mean of female sheep
[09:50] mikeholder01: a you is a female sheep...oh right...it's spelled ewe they now tell me...
[09:51] single.maggs: ok
[09:51] single.maggs: how far
[09:51] mikeholder01: depends on the sheep
[09:51] single.maggs: ok
[09:51] single.maggs: what do u do right now
[09:52] mikeholder01: talk to you.
[09:52] single.maggs: ok
[09:52] single.maggs: what do u do for a living
[09:52] mikeholder01: and am dissecting a baby pig
[09:53] single.maggs:
[09:53] mikeholder01: yes?
[09:53] single.maggs: do u are cam
[09:53] mikeholder01: you keep saying . are you a doorbell?
[09:54] single.maggs: do u are cam or pix
[09:54] single.maggs:
[09:54] mikeholder01: the cam in my engine is fine. it's the crank that's cracked. is the pix a part on a engine?
[09:54] single.maggs: ok
[09:54] mikeholder01: i need to get it repaired so i can invade Uranus.
[09:54] single.maggs: can i see u on cam
[09:55] mikeholder01: i have to take it out of the motor first.
[09:55] mikeholder01: and that would leave my vehicle useless.
[09:55] single.maggs: ok
[09:55] mikeholder01: i need my vehicle to invade Uranus.
[09:55] single.maggs: ok
[09:56] single.maggs: am maggie my name\
[09:56] mikeholder01: hi maggie my name\
[09:56] single.maggs: ok
[09:56] mikeholder01: i am " ".
[09:56] single.maggs: what
[09:57] mikeholder01: no not "what"..." ".
[09:57] single.maggs: am single looking for a soulmate
[09:58] mikeholder01: i wish you well on your mission.
[09:58] single.maggs: ok
[09:58] mikeholder01: have you cleared you mission with the grand leader?
[09:59] single.maggs: what mission
[09:59] mikeholder01: your quest to search out a matching soul? he needs to authorize first before committing battle ready minions.
[10:01] mikeholder01: have you gone to seek out authorization? you are not communicating as before.
[10:01] single.maggs: ok
[10:01] single.maggs: u talk tommorrow
[10:02] mikeholder01: i speak uranian. what language is "tomorrow"?
[10:02] single.maggs: ok
[10:02] single.maggs: by
[10:03] mikeholder01: it is a dual sex language?
[10:04] mikeholder01: are you still on this channel? what's the frequency, kenneth?
[10:04] single.maggs: ok
[10:04] single.maggs: byb
[10:04] mikeholder01: what does “byb” mean? bring your body?
[10:04] single.maggs: yes
[10:04] mikeholder01: it means yes? "byb" means "yes"? what language is that? i am not familiar.
[10:06] *** "single.maggs" signed off.

Makes you miss the days of plain old IM, doesn't it?