The New Insecure Male Phallic Symbol

Since the dawn of time, men have felt it necessary to assert their male ego utilizing objects that show not only status, but that their “status” is bigger and better than other males.

In the cave man beginnings was the club. Then it became the sword. Then it was a gun. As we progressed into the previous century it became more intricate. Cars come to mind as the most prevalent of them. Now that we are in the 21st Century, it has moved to tech items – pocket games, iPods, laptops; all to show off status and to prove their “manhood” to other males. But none of them compare to the latest insecure male phallic symbol – the Bluetooth headset.

You see them everywhere; at the grocers, the shopping mall, at sporting events, the movie theater…all blinking their little blue LEDs. At times their wearer is deep in conversation, most times giving the appearance of mental instability as they seem to be talking to themselves. And each time I see one, it is worn by a male. I’m waiting for the day I actually see a woman wearing one. When I do, then I will truly wonder what “status” they are telegraphing with it.

I own a Bluetooth headset…actually two of them. I have two for the sole purpose of having one fully charged when the other one’s battery dies. They are small, inconspicuous ones, only an inch in length. I got them several years ago, way before the latest boom. Since I drive a stick shift, they are handy in taking a call while driving, not to mention that it is much safer driving with one.

Sometimes I use them at work so I can be “hands free” while using the computer, especially when I was booking guests for the morning show. People would joke, “You must be somebody important having to wear one.” So, whenever I am not on a call when I’m not driving, I turn it off and take it out of my ear.

It seems as of late that these Bluetooth headsets are becoming more like phallic symbols, increasing in size and number of features. Bigger with more blinking lights on them, some even with shiny chrome trim. All reminiscent of the hot rods that we souped up back in high school and college. And it’s obvious why guys get these…to have one bigger and better than everyone else to either state how “important” they are or to make up for their “short comings”.

Last week, I saw the largest Bluetooth headset ever, worn by the new “sheriff” in town at the station…the man who would tell me that they weren’t “retaining my services”. The thing was huge, hanging off his ear like a sideways icicle off a gutter in the winter, extending from his ear to just a fraction away from the side of his mouth. It looked like the facial tattoo Mike Tyson got years ago…so obvious that you couldn’t help but notice it. The thing was as big as the headset microphone Jesse Goldberg-Strassler wears in the booth when he is the radio voice of Lansing Lugnuts games.

All the time while wearing it, the new “sheriff” wasn’t on a call. He was just wearing it, seeming to do so to show it off. He was strolling the halls, talking to others, but not into the phone/headset. All the while smiling.

It makes me wonder in this case…is such a headset a statement of “importance”, or is it a way to make up for “short comings”?