Paying Tribute To A Real American Hero

Alright, I’ve been quiet on this blog for a bit. I spent last weekend out at the NASCAR races at MIS and was preoccupied. And it seems that all I’ve written about lately has been movie reviews and how well these flicks do at the box office. I feel that it has become stale and does not do the title justice – “Morning Musings”.

So if you are looking for a review of this weekend’s and upcoming movies, here’s the short of it. The Proposal: Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds romantic comedy – OK date movie. Year One: sophomoric comedy attempt with Jack Black and the guy that looks like he could be Dana Carvey’s little brother – hideous. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Shia LaBeouf – women go gaga for Shia, lots of action and CGI FX, should kick but at the box office. Now that’s out of the way, on with what my musings are.

Today is Fathers Day; the day of the year set aside to honor our dads. For ages it has been fodder for the jokes, misconception, and ignoring by the general populous. Hideous ties, Old Spice and the dumb singing fish on the plaque. And dads just looking for a day to sleep in and not having to mow the grass, paint the gutters, or deal with home improvement issues.

President Obama recently wrote an essay on Fathers Day that is published in today’s Parade Magazine. The son of father from Kenya and a mother from Kansas, Obama writes that he observes Father's Day not just as a dad grateful for his two daughters, but also as a son who grew up without a father in his life.

I know what Obama speaks of from family experience. My dad basically grew up without a father; his real dad leaving when he was only 5 and my grandmother remarrying a total jerk and alcoholic we used to refer to as “Whitey the Bullshitter” (pardon my language – it’s what he was called by all in the family). Quite the text book example of a dysfunctional family.

My first marriage ended with my finding my first ex-wife being unfaithful, then her filing for divorce and going into hiding with a new husband, causing me not to see my oldest son and daughter for 12 years. Found out years later that their “step dad” put them through hell: physical and mental abuse, and suspected sexual abuse of my daughter. So when my second marriage ended three years ago with her being unfaithful and her filing for divorce, I was bound and determined not to let the past repeat itself with my youngest daughter and twin boys.

I am not the perfect father by any means. I have made mistakes and allowed the demands of pursuing a career in media, music and entertainment to interfere with my paternal duties as well as my spousal ones. There are moments of all my kids’ lives that I’ve missed out because of this. Moments that I’ll never get back. It’s a loss that is difficult to accept at times.

I continually come across individuals from broken homes, some still kids and others full grown adults, who are and have been affected by it. My own dad is one who finds it hard to show true affection for my sister and me because of the absence of a real father in his life. And it affects the kids in ways that manifest themselves later on in life. Dads who are absent from their kids’ lives, and at times the mothers check out emotionally because of it as well, all have a lasting imprint on the psyche of a child when they grow up to be an adult.

This is why with my kids from marriage #2, I have made the choice to be in their lives as much as I can be. I spend time with them 4 days every week, as well as the usual every other weekend thing. It’s a sacrifice that sometimes puts a crimp in life for me, especially socially. Some women that have been romantically interested in me don’t seem to understand why I have taken on such an exhaustive commitment. They even have shown resentment and jealousy. But my job as dad did not terminate at my kids’ conception. What makes me a real man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one. I guess you can say that it’s not about me here, it’s about the kids and doing what is right.

The other day I had a discussion with a close friend about just where one finds beauty in this world. In a time where North Korea’s Kim Jong Il wants to send nuclear warheads hurtling through space to wipe out countries for his domination of the world, other evil world players are trying to take over by force, and people in general intent on greed and being uncaring as they can, it seems hard to find where true beauty lies. My point was that love is true beauty.

Love for what is all around you and the appreciation for all the people, friends and the simple things in life. Being out at my family’s property in Brooklyn, MI late on a cloudless night and looking up to see billions of stars. Seeing the smile of a good friend and the laughter that ensues between the two of you as you share time together. Taking in the glories of nature all around us. Hearing your children say, “I love you, Daddy.” This is where I find true beauty in life and the world around me. It’s not “He who dies with the most toys wins.”

As kids we tend to forget the sacrifices our dads make to ensure we grow up right. Many of us have been resentful of them as adolescents. Some kids going as far as contemplating emancipation by “divorcing” their parents. But the truth of the matter is that none of us are perfect, even dads. It’s the dads that are able to take the resentment and rebellion and still show love through it all that make the difference. Even if they have difficulty actually telling us those three words, “I love you” (like with my own dad), remember that sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Happy Fathers Day, Dad, and to all the sacrificing, dedicated and true fathers out there. You are real heroes to children in a world so desperately needing them.